Just Walk It Out

The MLB Fan Cave has a cool piece up today about stars such as Matt Kemp and Troy Tulowitzki discussing how they choose their walk-up songs. For Kemp, it’s always hip-hop. For Tulo, he lets the fans decide, even resorting to Miley Cyrus or Justin Beiber if that’s what it takes to give the fans a surprise. That got me to thinking…there are some very distinct players who should have more appropriate warm-up or walk-up music! If you missed Episode 2 of Three Up, Three Down, you missed our punny game of Yu Darvish warm-up songs. Find that right here! Here are five other players I think should change their music (with a little bonus at the end):

1. Barry Zito, San Francisco Giants – You Lied by Green Day: In one of the rarest instances in human history, I actually feel…bad for the Giants. I mean, they thought they were getting a Cy Young-winning superstar from the A’s when they signed Zito to a $126-million contract. Since then all he’s done is drained the bank, watched his pitches land in the bleachers, and angered half of California. Zito seems like a nice enough guy, but the Giants are paying him to win ball games for them. How he continues to earn a roster spot baffles me. Barry, you definitely lied to the Giants (and this Dodger fan thanks you for it).

2. Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers – Rehab by Amy Winehouse: Let me begin by begging your immediate forgiveness. I know it’s too soon. And I also really like Hamilton and respect the way he’s gone about all the trials and tribulations throughout his career. That being said, wouldn’t it be hilarious if he came up to this song? Like a “I’m snickering quietly behind my hand even though I want to burst out laughing because I think offending an entire stadium into silence is pretty awesome” way? We all know the problems Hamilton has had in Texas with alcohol relapse and all his drug problems earlier on. So it seems only right that he poke a little fun at the whole situation. No? Still mad? Damn.

3. Juan Oviedo, Miami Marlins – Who Are You by The Who: See what I did there? Did ya, did ya?! In case you didn’t know, Juan Oviedo is the closer formerly known as Leo Nunez. I don’t think he’s even still on the Marlins’ roster, actually. But it was way too perfect to pass up. Imagine a closer trying to go out all pumped up to secure a win, and then hearing a blatantly offensive song blaring through the speakers at him? Advantage, offense. I’d imagine the first batter would get a little obligatory high heat just out of pure frustration. Oviedo is actually a pretty solid player, so maybe he wouldn’t let it get to him. But I’d sure like to see it happen.

4. Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals – Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus: This is very self-explanatory. Harper is just 19 years old and will probably be making his debut sometime in 2012. Unlike former teenage phenoms like Miguel Cabrera, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Jason Heyward (I know he was 20, give me a break. Close enough.), Harper comes into the league with a fat cloud of controversy hanging over him. He’s one of the most hyped prospects of all-time and hasn’t done himself any favors with a determined, yet pissy attitude at times. He’s very confident and outspoken and rubbed some people the wrong way when he left high school early to pursue professional ball. The reason he’s a real teenage dirtbag is because he claims to root for the Yankees, Cowboys, Lakers and Duke. What the HELL, Bryce?

5. Alejandro De Aza, Chicago White Sox – Alejandro by Lady Gaga: Well, duhh! Sure, it’s clever that it’s his name and all, but on an even better note, this would be one of the most embarrassing songs to ever have associated with you as a manly professional athlete. It’s stupid, annoying and would get stuck in everyone’s heads all game long. Maybe that’s a good thing – if the opposing pitcher is distracted, the White Sox may mount a rally! But it would be pretty awkward when 30,000 fans run screaming out of the stadium covering their ears. Wait…breaking news. I’ve just been informed that this IS De Aza’s walk-up song. Well, all I have to say to that is HAHAHAHAHA! New favorite player.

6. BONUS – Bryan Mapes, Host and Co-Creator of Three Up, Three Down – Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne: Thought I was gonna take a dig at you here, didn’t ya? I decided to take the high road and honor Chipper Jones’ big retirement announcement and name Mapes’ walk-up song as the one so many Braves fans know and love Chipper for. Hopefully Mapes won’t be retiring anytime soon, but he can still hang on to one of the greatest Braves of all time with this tribute. Alllllll aboard! (Props to @AtTravisMiller for suggesting Numa Numa for Mapes – the resemblance is uncanny!)

Do you have some other good ideas for walk-up or warm-up songs for MLB players? Comment here and tell us what you think, or you can write on our Facebook wall or Tweet us any suggestions! Don’t forget to like the Facebook page, follow us on Twitter and check back regularly for more blogs and podcasts from Three Up, Three Down!

– Jeremy Dorn (@Jamblinman)

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