Is Bryce Harper’s Bat Rack a Clown Trunk Accessory, Bro?

If you don’t know…now ya know! Bryce Harper has gone the route most newly-rich sports prodigies go, and snagged a shiny new Mercedes-Benz off the lot. I’m not going to lie, I balked at the though of Harper being old enough to drive when I first read this story.

Sadly, I must be getting older. Or just stupid. Either way, I lose. But Harper and his car win. And here’s why:

Most athletes get absurdly rich at a young age and buy a 17-room mansion with a bowling alley and 4 swimming pools. Time will tell if Harper goes there, but he did drop a few buckaroos on a beautiful new ride.

When people in the sports world get new cars, the first order of business seems to be pimping it out in whatever ridiculous way they can. Whether that be customizing the rims, or sewing their initials into the head rests, or something in between, everyone is doing it.

One super popular form of flashiness for athletes is to get some sort of trunk accessory. We’ve seen it on Pimp My Ride plenty of times – a trunk is only as complete as the flat screen TV, turn table, subwoofer and XBOX 360 that goes with it.

Harper went a much, much more awesome route: he stuffed a bat rack into the trunk. It’s a simple, yet classy rack that doesn’t take up the whole trunk, but has room for up to four lovely pieces of lumber.


Dude. Yes. Not only is that epically practical for a baseball player to have in his trunk, but it just looks good.

I’m sure Harper will make good use out of it, between hitting 500-foot homers and smashing his bats on dugout walls. But for those hating on Harper for this vehicular decision? Go away. You’re crazy if you think an athlete with a TV in his trunk is less douchey than an athlete with a bat rack.

At least Harper is proving to be focused on his craft, dedicated forever to the sport he loves. And he damn well won’t have to worry about defending his car against thiefs and car jackers.

Whether Harper is smashing concrete or laced leather, he will always have a bat nearby.

And yes, in case you were curious, I am currently drawing designs to include my own bat rack on the back of my vehicle. I’m just having trouble finding a good spot above the back tire of my bicycle.

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